July 13. Something that truly annoys me (I want to say hate but also trying not to bring negative language into this space) is when I don’t want to do something and I can tell you all the reasons (aka excuses) that I can’t do it but the nudge/calling/voice from God whatever you want to call it keeps coming.
Anyone else feel this. I mean for real, I don’t want to do the 75 Hard Challenge (if you don’t know what this is click the link it, it truly is an incredible movement).
What the actual. And its not really even because I don’t think I can do it, heck I already have two of the things down. I already drink a gallon of water ever day and I already don’t drink alcohol. So….I’m on the road.
But seriously, the rest feels like a commitment I just don’t want to make. Because it really isn’t something that you can do silently. This is my natural way, in case you were wondering. Usually when I want to do something seemingly big, or make a change etc. I commit to doing it but I keep it to myself. Heck I wrote a whole book this year, my memoir, for four months before I told anyone. Seriously?
First goal of this journey, start sharing more vulnerably about the things I want or am working on. So check! I’ve done it. Than wouldn’t you know that stinking nudge kept happening yesterday and I opened my mouth and mentioned it to DH. Good grief now I’ve really done it. And get this, he had already heard of it.
My initial thought process is, I need to think about this. Really pray on it and see if it is a commitment that I want to make, because it is that, a commitment and it is REALLY HARD. That line of thinking has held me back sometimes, or just prevented me from doing certain things for much longer than I should have. I wonder what I could have created, built, or served by the age of 46 if I hadn’t of done that? Nope we don’t do that here, not today.
I don’t need to think about things for this long. I don’t need to talk to other people about it (another one of my go to strategies-already joined a 75 Hard Facebook group and started polling people etc). Stop it. Just stop that.
All that does it hold me back from moving in the direction I am clearly being called to. And frankly this isn’t a decision that is harmful and it doesn’t even cost any money. Oh and it will change my life. So what the heck is there to think about truly. The only thought is whether or not I am willing to commit. Whether or not I can make the decision for 75 days to follow a simple program. That’s it.
The problem, as usual, for me is fear. If I commit to this thing and I fail, then I’m a failure. And I have to start over. What if I never finish it, the list goes on and on. But the reality is nothing changes if nothing changes. And also, when we try things no matter what they are and the outcome isn’t what we thought or what we set out for, is that really a failure?
Correct answer, no. Because we learn things. We get feedback from our bodies, from others, from God. So no, its not a failure far from it in my view and I’m not one of those everybody wins people. But there are successes in all of our failures. This for me might be the only lesson I need to learn from 75 Hard.
I am going to do it. I am committing to myself to do 75 days of this challenge, document my progress with you and watch what happens. Maybe nothing will change, but I highly doubt it because I know that when we make commitments to ourselves and then we stick to them it builds trust in ourselves.
And when we trust ourselves we make better decisions, improve our relationships, feel more at peace on the inside. And when we have all of that we are living a life filled with purpose and worth. We win. Like if you give a mouse a cookie right!
So this am, after waiting for DD2 (Darling Daughter 2) to get home at 10:30pm, waking up at 3 to pee, then hearing the dogs at 4, I got up. Had my coffee, snuggled with said dogs and I went to yoga. Its been a minute since I have been so today’s class felt especially hard, there were many breaks but I let it be ok because I was there. I have consumed almost half of my gallon, made a beautiful vegan whole food smoothie and I am preparing for my aroma freedom session before I start work.
Only question now is which book will I read.